"I've told them a thousand times already..."

As leaders we feel an expectation to produce.

A part of our job is to produce something through the work of others. But that mindset can make us obsessed over achieving goals in a persons development. We can begin to treat developing our people as a linear point A to point B process.

This is where the phrase “I’ve told them a thousand times already…” comes from. The reason for our frustration is rooted in our belief that if we have shared some information that that person should be now somewhere else in their development process. They “should” be at the next milestone in their development by now and when they articulate to us, whether by their actions or words that they are still not quite where we thought they should be it can feel like they are not even trying to improve or they didn’t listen the last three times we told them.

Development is more than just a slow process. It’s gruelingly slow.

It can feel at times as if all we are doing is hitting walls and regurgitating the same information we have been regurgitating for months without any sign of improvement.

The temptation we face as leaders who develop people is to get frustrated at the lack of progress with our people. But that frustration is more often than not rooted in the belief that development is a linear process or a task or project.

But people are not linear in their development because they are not a task or a project.

People (you included) are inconsistent, messy, and a mix of contradictory motives. Each of us have a unique history with a unique upbringing and each of us brings a little bit of that history into our current situation.

This means what seems obvious to one person (given their experience and upbringings) might not seem as obvious to another (given their lack of comparative experience and difference in their upbringing).

Because of this it is foolish to think that our one time or maybe even tenth time of repeating the same information should have stuck by now. There are certainly better and worse ways to convey information that can help to improve information transfer (some of which I want to get into in the following blog posts). But whatever approach we use it is important that our expectation (and from that our attitude) as a leader developing a leader is first and foremost correctly measured.

Development is the act of stepping into the cohesion of all that a person is in that moment from everything that has been poured into them and trying to move them one step closer to a better version of themselves.

If this sound unattractive, you may think to much of yourself. :)

Today, show a little grace and mercy and patience with those whom you feel like are taking the slow path to change.